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Thank you so much for all your help the other day! I am feeling so much better about things after your email. I need to stop listening to all the self-proclaimed "cat experts" in my life and talk to more appropriate sources. I will make an appointment with my vet, immediately. In the meantime, we have not had any more accidents and Shanghai is being super-lovey! I am rewarding him every time I see him potty in his litter box and a cheap paper bag is now one of his favorite toys. Mostly, I feel much better about him, knowing that he isn't doing anything to "spite" me.

He really is such a very sweet boy and I will do everything in my power to make this work!

I am Shanghai's mommy. I recently emailed saying things were going great, but wanted to give you a heads-up about some issues. Unfortunately, things have taken a turn with Shanghai. He has gotten more comfortable in his surroundings and some pretty negative traits have reared up in the last two weeks.

He has taken to peeing in the middle of my bed whenever he wants attention and I don't stop to play with him. I am exploring how to discipline him, but unfortunately, even after catching him in the act and giving a light spanking + rubbing nose in wet spot, he continues his behavior. The afore-mentioned punishment didn't seem to phase him at all!

I am at a loss for how to punish/teach him without traumatizing him.

I also think that he may have been an indoor-outdoor cat as he seems extremely restless in my apartment and has a pattern of looking out my window, running to the door, and then yowling to get out. He will cry, sometimes, for more than an hour. I have no way to let him outside safely, as I live right in the heart of downtown Seattle. I am able to tolerate the crying and nervous behavior but am concerned for his own happiness in being a strictly indoor cat.

I very much want to make things work with Shanghai but wanted to let you know what is going on because I fear that I may not be able to keep him if his wetting behavior continues. He is not spraying/marking his territory, otherwise, so it really is a dominance issue he is having with me.

I will definitely keep looking into how to fix this, but I am running out of time with the Forget Me Not Return Policy. My deepest fear would be to have things become unmanageable with him, outside of the 30 days, and then have to take him to a local animal shelter. I don't care about getting my money back. I just want him to be safe and happy and Forget Me Not seems like a better option then the local shelter, if it comes to that.

As I said, I'd like to keep working on him but his distress with wanting outside is troubling me, also, in that I wonder if there would be another family that could care for him in a better way than I can? If he could be taken in by someone who could safely let him come and go as he pleases, that seems like a happier option for him. Then again, who knows if he would ever find such a home.

I guess I am just hoping to get your thoughts/ any ideas that you might have regarding how I might make this work. I really like him. He is such a sweet boy, despite all the behaviors. I want to keep him but am at a bit of a loss at this point. I would feel better about all this if I didn't feel so rushed to figure it out within the 30 day period.

Do you think Forget Me Not would be willing to have him back (minus returning my money) if I had to have him picked up later than the 30 days??

I just want the both of us to be happy. I am very sad to have to contact you about this but I don't want he and I to be stuck in a bad situation. I appreciate any help you can give!

First, urinating on the bed, although it may seem like he is trying to "punish" you, is usually actually a symptom of something else. It's possible the attention you think he is seeking that is triggering the urination is not actually a bid for play time, or a dominance issue (those sorts of behaviors are rare in cats, and usually come out more as physical "attack" type play than urination behavior), but is a signal that he is uncomfortable due to a physical problem like a urinary tract infection. He may also be signaling some sort of displeasure with his litterbox/type of litter/frequency of cleaning. I've attached our information on inappropriate elimination (although it's geared toward kittens, it can be useful with adults too), and recommend the first step be to have a vet check for urinary tract infection or other physical cause. UTI is absolutely the most common cause for cats urinating on soft surfaces, followed closely by a dislike for the texture/smell of the litter in their box. In the meantime, I'd recommend keeping him out of the bedroom for now, and keeping other potential "target items" like piles of laundry, etc. out of Shanghai's sight. The main priority is to protect your "stuff" while making sure Shanghai is healthy.

As for the indoor-only question, right now it sounds like he is indicating that he has explored and gotten comfortable with his new areas, and he is asking if what is beyond THAT door is for him, too? Of course, it is not (ha). I can guarantee, after having gone through the same process with my (now 2-year resident) cat, that he will be happy as an indoor-only kitty, as long as he has some interesting things to see, listen to, and do (besides urinating on the bed!). Do you have a cat tree? My cat LOVE LOVE LOVES her 4-foot, 2-tier cat tree, which is placed by our sliding glass door. Instead of yowling to go out, she now happily perches on the top ledge and watches the world go by. Other ideas for Shanghai would be to have a variety of boxes and paper bags ready to set out for him to play in - cut some various sized holes/doors in the boxes (and holes in the paper bag), sometimes have the box open-end up, sometimes down with a fuzzy mouse or jingly ball inside for him to find, and maybe a kitty treat or two too. Leave just one box or configuration of boxes down for a few days, then change it for something different to keep his world interesting. Also, work on developing a special "routine" (my routine with my cat is weird, but it works for us - she races to follow me into the bathroom every time I go in there, and then she gets two Feline Greenies or Whisker Lickin' treats, LOL).

If you really want to expand his horizons, you *could* try to train him to a harness/leash combination and take him out for walks - some cats really love this (my mother had a cat that used to get walked every day like a dog), but some cats hate it and flatten themselves like a sidewalk pancake. If you want to try that, I'd recommend starting by putting it on him inside and letting him get used to being "attached" to you by the leash for a few weeks, then you could take him out for walks around the neighborhood. (Check for loose dogs in your area before attempting this plan, though!) I never did this with my cat, as she adapted to indoor-only within about 3 months.

I appreciate your willingness to address these issues and try to hammer out a partnership with this wonderful cat. I know you worry that you may not be the best home for him, but I am very confident that you and he have great potential to be fabulous partners. Hopefully, should he need to be returned at some point later, our new cat shelter building will be finished so we'll have a better place to house him (see attached photo - we still need to get the electric and the insides done, and the screened-in porch, but it's coming along beautifully). I am VERY hopeful that the urination problem resolves quickly (it is almost impossible for any shelter, including ours, to successfully readopt a cat that has been returned due to urination problems - but we are always willing to try!) Let me know what the vet says about the urinary tract infection!

I just wanted to drop a note to say he's doing great and settling in very comfortably with his new momma! He is SO playful and talkative! He follows me around like a little shadow. Anytime I go to reach for something he is right there, trying to grab my hand to nuzzle or gently bite on it. It's very sweet. I adore him!

I do have one concern, though, that I'm hoping someone there can help me with. Just about every other day Shanghai will vomit up all his food. He vomits several times and it's pretty violent. I am wondering if he's gorging himself on his food. Would you be able to find out if he had constant access to food (such as I am giving him) or if he was fed on a schedule? I've never had to feed a cat on a schedule before, but I certainly will if it keeps him from getting sick, poor guy.
He seems to feel fine after vomiting so I don't think there is really any concern about it being a sickness of any sort, but I just want to make sure, so I thought I'd start with the food issue first

Again, thanks so much for connecting us! I think we're off to a great start!

Shelter response: He really is a sweetie, isn't he?! I'm so sorry to hear he is vomiting, though; at the shelter, he and all the adult kitties are on a free-feeding schedule of dry food only. It's possible, after being a stray and then free-feeding in a group setting, he is indeed bolting/gorging his food; if that's the case, feeding a smaller amount several times a day OR mixing the dry food with a bit of canned food may help. If it's something like a hair ball, a little Petromalt or other hair ball remedy should take care of it (my own cat has a hair ball about once every 2-3 months, even though I brush her a LOT; guess it's the downside to having to comb your hair with your tongue, LOL). I'd recommend trying that approach too, you can find inexpensive hairball remedies in most pet stores and also in some grocery stores in the pet aisle. I also don't think it's any sort of sickness, since he is still playful and affectionate; if he becomes lethargic or starts avoiding contact with you, that would indicate a more "body-wide" malaise, rather than a temporary tummy upset.